Communicating Emotional Needs
Techniques List
#1 — Say What You Feel, Not What You Think They Did
Instead of “You never listen,” try: “I feel unheard and it’s painful.”
Focus on your experience, not their faults.
#2 — Make Requests, Not Demands
Say: “It would help me feel secure if you checked in when you’re running late.”
Don’t say: “You better start calling or I’m done.”
#3 — Don’t Let Silence Build Resentment
Avoid bottling things up.
Silence turns small misunderstandings into big emotional walls.
#4 — Clarify Your Emotional Language
Do you mean “abandoned,” or just “disconnected”?
Get to know your emotional vocabulary so your partner isn’t guessing.
#5 — Learn to Receive
When your partner shows up for you, don’t shut it down with “I’m fine.”
Let the connection land.
#6 — Check the Timing
Not every moment is the right one.
Ask: “Is this a good time to talk about something that matters to me?”
#7 — Use the “When You / I Feel / I Need” Formula
“When you scroll your phone during dinner, I feel dismissed. I need your presence.”
Simple. Direct. Powerful.
#8 — Practice Repair, Not Perfection
You will mess up communication sometimes.
The goal isn’t to be flawless, it’s to come back together after the fallout.
#9 — Don’t Weaponize Vulnerability
If your partner opens up, don’t throw it back in their face later.
Trust is built when what’s shared stays safe.
#10 — Celebrate Progress
Call out the good moments: “I appreciated how you listened last night.”
Noticing effort builds connection faster than critiquing flaws.
Communicating Emotional Needs
Techniques List
#1 — Say What You Feel, Not What You Think They Did
Instead of “You never listen,” try: “I feel unheard and it’s painful.”
Focus on your experience, not their faults.
#2 — Make Requests, Not Demands
Say: “It would help me feel secure if you checked in when you’re running late.”
Don’t say: “You better start calling or I’m done.”
#3 — Don’t Let Silence Build Resentment
Avoid bottling things up.
Silence turns small misunderstandings into big emotional walls.
#4 — Clarify Your Emotional Language
Do you mean “abandoned,” or just “disconnected”?
Get to know your emotional vocabulary so your partner isn’t guessing.
#5 — Learn to Receive
When your partner shows up for you, don’t shut it down with “I’m fine.”
Let the connection land.
#6 — Check the Timing
Not every moment is the right one.
Ask: “Is this a good time to talk about something that matters to me?”
#7 — Use the “When You / I Feel / I Need” Formula
“When you scroll your phone during dinner, I feel dismissed. I need your presence.”
Simple. Direct. Powerful.
#8 — Practice Repair, Not Perfection
You will mess up communication sometimes.
The goal isn’t to be flawless, it’s to come back together after the fallout.
#9 — Don’t Weaponize Vulnerability
If your partner opens up, don’t throw it back in their face later.
Trust is built when what’s shared stays safe.
#10 — Celebrate Progress
Call out the good moments: “I appreciated how you listened last night.”
Noticing effort builds connection faster than critiquing flaws.
