Communicating Emotional Needs

Techniques List

#1 — Say What You Feel, Not What You Think They Did

• Instead of “You never listen,” try: “I feel unheard and it’s painful.”

• Focus on your experience, not their faults.

#2 — Make Requests, Not Demands

• Say: “It would help me feel secure if you checked in when you’re running late.”

• Don’t say: “You better start calling or I’m done.”

#3 — Don’t Let Silence Build Resentment

• Avoid bottling things up.

• Silence turns small misunderstandings into big emotional walls.

#4 — Clarify Your Emotional Language

• Do you mean “abandoned,” or just “disconnected”?

• Get to know your emotional vocabulary so your partner isn’t guessing.

#5 — Learn to Receive

• When your partner shows up for you, don’t shut it down with “I’m fine.”

• Let the connection land.

#6 — Check the Timing

• Not every moment is the right one.

• Ask: “Is this a good time to talk about something that matters to me?”

#7 — Use the “When You / I Feel / I Need” Formula

• “When you scroll your phone during dinner, I feel dismissed. I need your presence.”

• Simple. Direct. Powerful.

#8 — Practice Repair, Not Perfection

• You will mess up communication sometimes.

• The goal isn’t to be flawless, it’s to come back together after the fallout.

#9 — Don’t Weaponize Vulnerability

• If your partner opens up, don’t throw it back in their face later.

• Trust is built when what’s shared stays safe.

#10 — Celebrate Progress

• Call out the good moments: “I appreciated how you listened last night.”

• Noticing effort builds connection faster than critiquing flaws.