RELATIONSHIP WISDOM SHEET

RELATIONSHIP WISDOM SHEET

By Allen Dekeyser

Behavior Is a Window

When tension hits, pause. Look beyond the words or actions—what’s going on underneath? Fear, shame, exhaustion, unspoken needs? Curiosity opens doors that defensiveness slams shut.

Don’t Just Fight—Build

Is this about winning the argument or healing the relationship?

Ask:

“Am I protecting my pride or protecting our bond?”

Truth builds trust. Even when it stings. Especially when it stings.

When You Mess Up—Repair It

Here’s the healing path:

  1. Say what you did

  2. Admit it was hurtful

  3. Apologize—directly

Make amends
Repeat if needed. Trust is fragile and worth every effort to rebuild.

Hurt People Hurt People

When you’re wounded by your partner, ask:

“What wound in them is bleeding onto me?”

Still—don’t become someone’s punching bag. Understand them without excusing harmful behavior.

 Be Known to Be Loved

If you hide your real self, how can you feel genuinely loved?

Let them see you.

Let them show up for the real you. That’s where love breathes.

Don’t Forget to Play

Relationships aren’t meant to be constant healing projects.

They’re meant to include joy, jokes, lightness, adventure.

Make space for fun—even when life is heavy.

Speak Up—Fully

You matter. Your thoughts, feelings, dreams, pain—all of it.

Don’t wait for permission to be real.

Practice saying:

“Here’s what’s on my heart right now…”

Know the Purpose of the Talk

Before diving in, ask:

Is this conversation about:

  • 🌞 Connection and fun?

  • 💔 Venting or emotional release?

🔧 Problem-solving?
Clarifying this ahead of time prevents derailment.

Slow Down and Listen

Not to respond. To understand.

Agree to slow it down. Breathe. Repeat what you heard.

Ask:

“Is this what you meant?”

That’s how real connection starts.

Watch the Childhood Echoes

Ask in conflict:

“Is this hitting an old nerve from childhood?”

It usually is. And it’s okay. You’re human. But awareness gives you power.

Own Your Part

Don’t offload big changes or decisions onto therapists, pastors, or outside voices.

You’re half of this relationship. Be accountable for your half.

Make the Move

If there’s something you know would help your relationship—do it.

Not tomorrow. Not when they change. Now.

 Integrity Over Excuses

Follow through on what you say—big or small.

Reliability is sexy.

Changing your mind is allowed. But communicate that shift with care.

Break the Auto-Pilot

Ask yourself:

“Am I reacting or responding?”

“What patterns from my past are taking the wheel right now?”

Growth means interrupting the default settings with intention and courage.

Bonus Affirmation:

“We’re not perfect people. But we can be real people—growing, healing, and loving better every day.”